Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
