do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
