Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize