I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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