we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
