don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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