Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
