Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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