Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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