its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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