True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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