he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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