3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
