Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
