Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
