he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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