Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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