When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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