That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
