i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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