all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
