there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
