My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
