Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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