2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize