He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
please come you make the beer taste better
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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