8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
