I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
