My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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