what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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