I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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