I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
