i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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