I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
