I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Couch. On fire.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
