my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
