i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
