i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
