oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
