gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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