I want to have your abortion
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
