We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
