i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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