you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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