Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
