Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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