Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
