i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
