Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
