Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
