FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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