I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize