I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
