I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
