fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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