Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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