I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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