Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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