i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
