apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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