I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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