bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
