lets start a swedish sibling band together
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Randomize
