I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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