Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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