If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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