if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
