Swine flu. Run for my life!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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