You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
