i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize