we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
