nut hugger
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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