I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
