This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
