I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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