So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
