OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
