I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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