Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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