I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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