just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
