I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize