My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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