New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
