He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
my poor anus
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
