the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
