Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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