FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you win again, gameday.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
