do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
